Message Board

relationships

CMCM — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:32:53 GMT

Hello, I am asking for some advice. This may not be the right place to discuss this or ask for advice, so sorry in advance.

I am a divorced parent with 2 kids from previous marriage. I have a young child with my current partner.
I am being told time and time again that I treat my kids I had with my exwife better than that of my newest child. I am on edge during all my visitation times with the kids and it has made my time horrible and I think the kids know something is wrong and they lose alot of time with me because I am dragged by my partner into another room to hear how I am doing all this bad stuff. Very jealous that I spend time with my kids.

I walk from the room where my partner is doing this stuff back to where my kids are to be with them, but I have to go back and forth because of what my partner actually does.

I have joint legal custody of my other two kids and am now in court because the ex is saying that the kids are saying stuff like the kids are hearing arguements. I don't doubt the kids must hear something going on as my partner is very loud and feigns suicide attempts often.

The exwife wants to change what time I have with my kids to every other weekend.

FOr the sake of my kids, I want to leave this relationship I am in but financially I cannot. I have been the one to take care of things at home and then work very very part time. I am constantly in court with my ex and now my relationship with my partner is now coming to an end.. Is it bad of me to start saving up on my own to move out? I also don't know how to stop my partner from doing these things to where the kids can hear-I think the only way is to leave. I have no friends or family that can help me. I go from the room and then back out to be with my kids because I want to spend time with my kids more than I want to spend with my partner now and I am told that I only want to spend time with the kids all the time. I don't think that's a bad thing.

I don't know what to do. I will have more than my load of court stuff going on at once. I am in court with my ex soon and now know that this relationship I am in will go to court when I leave.

Please helpp me.

Forum: New Members Thread

Claiming your child as a NC parent

burky247 — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 15:26:36 GMT

I was wondering if it's possible to try and be able to claim your child on your taxes if you're not a custodial parent and never had any type of court settlement. My ex and I were never married but when we split up, we agreed on joint custody and just let CSRU take care of the financial issues(I know...I know). I have always let my ex claim my daughter(for 11 years now) because I figured that if I let that happen, maybe she wouldn't try and get modifications on my support. That strategy didn't work out so well.

Anyway, I'm not trying to get even with my ex or anything. I just wondered if it's possible for me to claim my daughter without the hassle of going to court.

Forum: New Members Thread

Physical Care

TCOOL — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 03:43:08 GMT

My future ex and I have agreed on almost everything in our divorce. One of the last steps is agreeing on Physical Care. I have searched the Internet and haven't found a good description or explanation of Primary Physical Care.

Can someone explain the difference between Primary Physical Care and Joint Physical Care. What decisions would a parent give up if they agree to Primary Care over Joint Physical Care? Examples of decisions would be appreciated!!

Thanks in advance.
T

Forum: Custody and Visitation

Support increased while on unemployment

burky247 — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 17:15:45 GMT

I just found out my child support increased by $337 even though I am collecting unemployment(got laid off in March). I was surprised that they used the final quarter of my previous job when modifying the order. I make a fraction on unemployment that I made while I was working(USPS). I was only collecting $297/week for unemployment benefits as it was. But I had sacrificed some luxuries so that I could return to college and get my degree.

Is this a normal thing? I guess I can appeal but I don't expect it to go my way by any means.

Forum: Child Support

Need help getting my baby twin girls back

kaldar — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 14:39:12 GMT

My wife left me the other day in the middle of the night. She took them and left with her sister and took boyhood my girls with here. I work at the north Ames Walmart and I can't afford an expencive lawyer. If u can call email or message me with some help that will be great. My cell number is 5152989910. Email. Warren_risberg@yahoo.com. Yahoo messanger Warren_risberg

Forum: Divorce

NEED HELP

StuckInMiddle — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 21:33:23 GMT

Hello, everyone. First off - I am not a father (I am a woman) but I am needing some advice on how to help my significant other in his child support dispute. I guess I will just write the story - add my questions and any help or advise you can give me on how to move forward would be much appreciated.

Here's the scenario:

My boyfriend had a child at 16 after dating a girl for only 5 months. Before his child was born, the woman was engaged to be married to someone else before his child was even born. At the time, they DID NOT go to court. They signed a mutually arranged agreement through a lawyer stating that my boyfriend would pay x amount of money per month and it was never sent through the courts. (We are in the process of trying to locate said document at this point.)

Fast forward 15 years and this woman now has four children (from three different fathers) and is re-married again. My boyfriend has been paying this woman child support for the 15 years and every time she's asked for an increase in the monthly payment, he's always given it to her to avoid going to court.

Last month, she asked for $100 more a month and he obliged. This weekend, she calls and demands MORE money and made a comment that if this went to court NONE of the money he's paid to here all these years would count due to the fact that he has paid her directly and the state of Iowa would consider these payments as "gifts". I discussed this with DHS and this was confirmed to be true unless he can get a judge to sign off on it as "satisfactory".

My boyfriend is a good man. He's worked hard all of his life and he is a good father. We get his daughter every other weekend and every time we have her - we send a check home with her for her mother's child support payment - so obviously some months she received more than they had originally agreed upon. It has nearly DOUBLED since the "agreement' they had back in 1994.

I guess I'm wondering if he has any legal rights in this matter. He has always paid. He has never been a deadbeat dad. When this all happened he was very young and assumed that the item they signed with the lawyer would protect him.

Now it seems, the mother involved is going to sue for the last 16 years of child support (even though she KNOWS that he's paid her) so we will end up paying out-of-pocket until we are 52 years old.

What can we do in this situation? Who can we ask for help?

Forum: New Members Thread

nightmare with ex and DHS

proudparents — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 18:58:55 GMT

I am in an ongoing nightmare of a battle with my ex. I had a very ineffective attorney in my divorce and my ex got pretty much everything she wanted. She has continued to ignore the decree when it comes to medical and school decisions. My son came to visit and had severe bruising on his butt. Both myself and my ex filed reports with DHS. My ex of course got my 4 year old to lie and say my current wife abused him. My ex admitted to hitting my son the day I picked him up for the visit. Of course wouldn't you know, even with her admitting to hitting him DHS founded the report against my current wife! So of course the ex goes and files a modification of visitation against me. The good news is we have retained an excellent attorney and will fight this until the bitter end. We will be filing a contempt of court against the ex and of course fighting DHS to reverse their pathetic decision. I am new to the boards and looking for support from my fellow dads out there. Has anyone successfully fought a DHS decision and if so how did you go about it? Thanks for all of your input.

Forum: New Members Thread

Lawyers with Low retainers Des Moines

dcopelandia — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 19:35:39 GMT

Help I had retained an lawyer to help with a custody and visitation issue. We got through a temp order and a mediation session with an signed agreement. Then I became disabled and out of money and on Social Security.

I have been totally screwed by my ex girlfriend. She takes the child away for summers at a time out of state and up to Alaska. Does not hold up to what was agreed in mediation for Christmas or weekends. Seems like she lets the child who is 8 dictate if she will come over or not. Never consults with me on medical or education. Basically the ex does what ever she wants to and tells me you get her when I want you to get her.

So I am trying to find an attorney that will finalize this and give her grief. however I need to find someone with a low retainer to start. Legal Aid will not even deal with this case because when we split up when the child was 8 months old. She called them to inquire about some legal advice. They did not provide any representation, however they will not help me cause they say it is a conflict of interest. Anybody know a good lawyer for a small retainer in Des Moines?

Forum: Custody and Visitation

Law and Marriage

Bryan — Thur, 15 Jul 2010 16:34:38 GMT

Regardless of your political view of what defines marriage, this article makes a valid point regarding how federal laws are acceptable when they conform to the controlling political parties agenda and ignored when they oppose same agenda.

http://www.calthomas.com/index.php?news=2971

Forum: Iowa Judicial System

GRASSLEY TO ATTEND IOWAFATHERS MEETING

BBW — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:06:41 GMT

Mark your calendars. Senator Charles Grassley will be attending the Aug 10th meeting in Cedar Falls. This is a great opportunity to show one of our elected officials the number of people affected negatively by the system. Please seize this opportunity to put faces with the problem. Plain and simple: numbers talk.

Forum: Hot Topic

ROSZELL v. RICHARDS

Bryan — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:59:10 GMT

No. 09-1560. ROSZELL v. RICHARDS

Appeal from the Iowa District Court for Fayette County, Richard Stochl, Judge. AFFIRMED AS MODIFIED. Considered by Vaitheswaran, P.J., and Doyle and Tabor, JJ. Opinion by Tabor, J. Doyle, J., writes separately. (9 pages $4.50)

A father who petitioned for joint legal custody of his son appeals the district court's grant of sole custody to the boy's mother, who has never been married to the father. The father contends the district court erred in considering the factors in Iowa Code section 598.41(3) (2007) when the parties agreed to joint legal custody. He also claims the district court erred in relying on a Department of Human Services (DHS) report issued after the custody hearing. OPINION HOLDS: Because the mother's answer to the petition agreed that joint legal custody was appropriate, the district court should have applied Iowa Code section 598.41(4) rather than section 598.41(3). We modify the decree to grant the parents joint legal custody and grant physical care to the mother. We do not find reversible error in the district court's reliance on the DHS report. SEPARATE WRITING ASSERTS: I write separately to address deficiencies in the parties' appendix.

Forum: Case Tracker

dhs

tin_bender — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 06:14:30 GMT

Almost 2 months ago I made a trip to Iowa, my grandmother was ill. My ex wife and two boys and her Father lived in Iowa as well. My sons ages are 15&18. Their mother was scheduled to have reconstructive surgery. I had offered to drive her and look after my boys and her ill father {copd and heart problems} She went in on Monday 3 hr surgery turns into 7 but she comes through ok. On friday morning I pick her up and bring her home. She dies in my arms not 12 hrs later from a blood clot or pulmonary artery disease. She had remarried and divorced a second time. The step father and I decided to keep the boys together till at least the end of the school year. Anyhow I had to return to california To terminate probation here so I could return and raise my boys. Anyhow the grandfather dies, not a week later. the stepfather steals my exs jewelry and her dads guns. and leaves the state. He and my mother can sign for any school or medical emergency. I track down my son and tell him to go stay with friends. While in their care someone calls cps or dhs as its called there. To say my son was staying at the old house so maybe being homeless. so almost a month later i get 1 phone call and 1 email both on the same day with some lady telling me I left no caretaker for my son. and that he was homeless and all kinds of lies. now I have a founded case of child abuse against me. I need some help, how can I fight this??? I have waited more than 10 years to be able to raise my sons. What can I do??

Forum: Domestic Abuse or Child Abuse Allegations

dhs & child abuse allegations

tin_bender — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 06:12:00 GMT

Forum: Domestic Abuse or Child Abuse Allegations

IowaFathers Mobile Website

Bryan — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 05:01:23 GMT

Members,

We are pleased to announce a mobile website addition to IowaFathers. Please visit http://mobile.iowafathers.com on your mobile device to access our new mobile website.

Forum: Open Forum

Ex continues to as she wants....

Njmcafee — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 06:18:33 GMT

My and my ex recently split up...to be exact one week ago. Before splitting up we lived with my parents for 5 months with our newborn who is now 6 months old. The house is stable with my parents and 2 younger sisters living here (15 and 13 yrs of age).
In this time frame she has already found a new boyfriend and is hanging out with a crowd that i am pretty sure smoke marijuana. I have been told by a close friend of hers that she is leaving my daughter with her friends while she goes off and does what she wants. This is on the days she has our daughter. She leaves my daughter in the room while everyone is smoking cigarettes despite my request that this not be done as my daughter has had a bad cough for awhile now. She has lied to me continously and even when found out continues to express innocence over the matter.

Upon finding this information out I went to where she lived and asked to have my daughter for the night as we had previously agreed upon. She gave my daughter over but was telling me the whole time that her friends are lying ***ches and i shouldnt believe them. Later i called her and requested 2 weeks with my daughter as it would be of benefit in allowing her to get rid of her cough. She agreed but told me that I had better not keep her daughter from her.

My ex is being treated for Clinical depression but takes her meds when she wants to. Her psychological behavior is more inline with a friend who is being treated for bipolar, but she refused to see a psychatrist for any reason.

In the past 3 years she has quit 3 jobs by just walking out no notice or anything. For several months at a time i have been forced to pay all the bills for her car, put gas in her car, not to mention i have my car and the household bills. I have bought diapers wipes, formula, toys, and when i can some clothing for our daughter. She is in a loving home where my parents are more then willing to help me ensure a healthy environment and living conditions where as my ex moves a lot and lives in poor conditions.

So my question is what are my rights and what exactly can I hope to get if I were to file for custody?

Forum: New Members Thread

Message Board

relationships

Claiming your child as a NC parent

Physical Care

Support increased while on unemployment

Need help getting my baby twin girls back

**NEED HELP**

nightmare with ex and DHS

Lawyers with Low retainers Des Moines

Law and Marriage

Regardless of your political view of what defines marriage, this article makes a valid point regarding how federal laws are acceptable when they conform to the controlling political parties agenda and ignored when they oppose same agenda.

GRASSLEY TO ATTEND IOWAFATHERS MEETING

ROSZELL v. RICHARDS

dhs

dhs & child abuse allegations

IowaFathers Mobile Website

Ex continues to as she wants....

NEED HELP